I killed my company to find my life.
Yes, I led a multi-million dollar consulting company that I loved. I loved the CEOs and leaders I worked with. I loved the amazing companies and their technologies. I liked to imagine the next marketing making move and to put that into motion. I loved publishing the book that shared my methodology of creating real strategies that worked. I thrived for a long time in that context.
But what I realized is that it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough to be intellectually fulfilled and not emotionally joyful and physically renewed.
So I shut down my company to find my life.
Unbeknownst to many people as I don’t like to talk about kid stuff in work forums…My son was having serious, and regular problems at school. My husband and I were struggling with the related tensions that brought including how to get on one page about ways to parent. While I had written my first book, I couldn’t summon the energy to celebrate it and then I started getting impatient and grumpy with the people and businesses I wanted to serve. I was tired. I loved the work but in many ways my life just seemed “off”.
So I decided to stop “working” for a bit and get to “lifing”. The firm, unfortunately, couldn’t run without me, and when it came right down to it…i needed to get my life in order and stop working JUST on the firm. Lifing includes working for sure. But I’m not absolutely sure that working includes the larger set of “lifing”. Working harder and harder over several years time didn’t seem to be fixing things. Perhaps not working … Would.
With the help of an 8 week sabbatical, I think I found my life again. I certainly found my family, my smile, and some creativity again.
Perhaps I’ll restart the company or a new one. Perhaps I’ll serve on some public boards as there are far few women in those roles. Perhaps I’ll just pick a few companies (like Shwowp) and see how I can add growth value. Perhaps I’ll …
The future is not 100% clear right now but I have the energy, creativity, and curiosity that will help me figure out what’s next.
And that’s “lifing”. I think I could get into it. You?